云书社区｜老司机吧：中英文笑话9则

by Readers' contributions · 2022年2月2日

(1)

Wife talking to her husband(who reads newspaper all day): I wish I were anewspaper so I’ll be in your hands all day.

Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily.

妻子走到看报纸的丈夫面前说：我真希望我是一份报纸，这样我每天都可以被你捧在手心里了。

丈夫回答到：我也希望如此，这样我就可以主宰和改变你一天了！

（2）

We have got a new dog, would you like to come around and play with him?

Well, I don’t know. Does he bite?

That’s what I want to find out.

我们又得到了一只新狗，你要过来和他玩玩吗？

哦，我不知道。他咬人吗？

这正是我想要知道的。

（3）

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: I didn’t have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.

That’s fine, roared the boss, but where were you Monday and Tuesday?

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。

好啊!老板吼道，那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？

（4）

Dan is teaching his son how to box. As he does so, he left his friend, This is a tough world, so I’m teaching my boy to fight.

Friend: But suppose he comes up against someone much bigger than he is, who’s also been taught how to box.

Dan: I’m teaching him how to run, too.

丹在教他的儿子怎样拳击。他告诉他的朋友：这是一个粗暴的世界，所以我要教我的儿子怎么去拼搏。

朋友：如果他碰上的对手是一个比他高大，健壮而且也会拳击的人怎么办？

丹：我也会教他怎么样赛跑。

（5）

A: Which do you find more important, money or friends?

B: Friends, of course.

A: Why?

B: I can always borrow money from friends.

甲：你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要？

乙：当然是朋友。

甲：为什么？

乙：我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱。

（6）

Policeman: Why didn’t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they’d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那就更糟了

（7）

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents’. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs. “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO… I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…”

His older brother nudged him and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

To which the younger one replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

两个小男孩在他们的祖父母家过夜。睡觉时间到了，这两个小男孩跪在床上祈祷。弟弟用非常大的声音祈祷着，“我祈求有一辆新自行车……我祈求有一个新游戏机……我祈求有一个新录像机……”

他的哥哥用胳膊肘轻轻地碰了他一下，说：“你为什么这么大声地喊叫呢？上帝又不是聋子。”

弟弟听了回答道：“上帝是不聋，可奶奶聋呀！”

（8）

A met B in the street.

A: You is losing your hair so quickly!

B: Yes, because I’m so anxious.

A: Anxious for what?

B: Losing my hair.

A在街上碰到B

A：你怎么掉了这么多头发！

B：因为我担忧啊

A：担忧什么呢

B：掉头发……

9）

Two attorneys went into a restaurant and ordered two drinks. Then they brought out sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches here!

The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

两个律师走进一个餐厅，要了两杯饮料，从包中拿出三明治开始吃起来。餐厅老板走过来警告说，“你们不能在这里吃自己的三明治。”

两个律师对看了一眼，耸耸肩，然后交换了手中的三明治。